"Remember, we used to dance, and everyone wanted to be you and me- I want to be too."

That's not from Grey Street...but today is the kind of day where I will listen to Grey Street on repeat, (in headphones as to not bother my roommates/whoever else is around.)  Why is it so difficult to be happy all the time?

So...

This isn't what everybody wants to hear, but I'm asking for a little time to just be miserable, pessimistic, and generally kind of out of it, while listening to "Need You Now" on repeat.  I know nobody wants to be around someone like that, so I'm not going to act that way during my normal day to day activities, but just know that's how I feel on the inside.  And if anybody knows a way to snap out of this funk and back into reality, just let me know.

And thank you to anybody that has been putting up with me lately.  I go from hyper and loud and generally in a good mood to half crying in about 30 seconds.  I'm lucky that God put you in my life.

Well, now what?

After wanting the book since before it came out, I finally bought the book, The Happiness Project.  A lot of stuff in the book is stuff that makes sense, and is stuff I can apply to my life.

Then I found this.
Here's the quote:

"...both men and women find relationships with women to be more intimate and enjoyable than those with men.  Women have more empathy for other people than men do.  In fact, for both men and women-and this struck me as highly significant-the most reliable predictor of not being lonely is the amount of contact with women.  Time spent with men doesn't make a difference."


Uh.  What?

So I should spend more time with girls...?

I'm not really sure what this means.  Jim pointed out that that is a very black and white statement.  As I've said a lot recently, I see things in shades of grey.  Many, many shades of grey.  Life is too complicated and involves just...too much.  Things aren't black or white or nothing at all.  If they were, I feel like we wouldn't have as many problems, or problems we do have would be easier to fix. 

Between the end of the school year, finding/leasing/moving into this apartment, summer coming, (which always throws me for a loop, because I need to readjust all over again) and dealing with everything in the past week...I'm losing it.

I love Stumble

For me it happens all the time.

Something about apartment viewing yesterday just freaked me out. I wish it was like living at school...here, take this very large boatload of money, and in exchange, give me a place to live. K. Thanks. I don't understand how any of this stuff works, or how much it all costs, and it's making me crazy. I'm just overestimating everything in hopes that I don't have to worry about not having enough money to pay for something once bills come in.

Am I spoiled because I never had to worry about my own bills before? Maybe. Am I a baby because I wish I could live on campus next year? Maybe. Do I care? Nope.

I was just starting to accept the fact that things aren't always easy, and that it's okay. That it's just normal, it's a normal part of being 21 and in school, and that just because things are easy, doesn't mean I am happy. I feel like I took steps forward, and now I'm back where I started. It's so frustrating.

Let It All Out

So, there's what I want to happen, what I'm 99% sure will happen, and a 1% chance that neither of those things happen at all. Confused? Me too.

I don't know.

“One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter.”

...so for now, I'll just ramble instead.

+/- Back from Ohio.
-- Pep band, as I have known it for 4 years, is over.
- Tomorrow is horribly busy.
+ Sun and warmth tomorrow. Thank God.
+ By being in Ohio, I missed that monsoon that hit Connecticut...
+ Easter with my family is this weekend.
++ Every Pandora station I make is awesome.


So maybe everything isn't that bad. I need my routine back, I was getting into a rhythm, sort of, before pep band went and messed that up. I am hoping that a night of organizing and hanging out will make me feel better. I am also trying to think of more interesting things to write about...