And so it is.

Everybody has their days.  I feel like I was doing so well for the longest time, starting with last semester-happy all the time.  Genuinely happy.  Appreciating the smallest things.  I felt like I had taken about fifteen steps forward. 

Now I feel like I've taken about thirteen and a half back. 

I have no idea where I'm student teaching.
No idea if I want to immediately apply for jobs when I graduate, or if I would take a job if one was offered to me.
Grad school.  Ugh.
I should really start studying for the Praxis...
I'm still not completely well, and I'm not taking care of myself either.
Ranting and rambling to Anna, Liz, Conor, Walker, Zima, whoever ... is great, and very much appreciated, since I'm sure it can be obnoxious, but I haven't said anything to the one person that needs to hear what I have to say.  And even though in the grand scheme of things, it isn't very important...it still bothers me and needs to be said.

I need to re-read The Happiness Project.

Decisions, decisions,

It comes down to three main options, and then a fourth possibility that I want to stay as far away from as possible:

A. Apply to a graduate program in Neag, and stay at UConn, for one year, possibly two.
B. Apply to University of New Haven, and live at home while interning and taking classes, (one year program.)
C. Apply for jobs and UNH/UConn, and if I get a job, take it.
D. (Not really an option, just what would happen if I didn't apply to grad school and the job market isn't working in my favor...) Live at home, find a temporary job/substitute teach/teach lessons/etc, while looking for a full-time teaching job or applying to grad school the next year.

I'm not sure what I want.  Earlier in the year, not so long ago, I convinced myself that home was the only place to be, and I could be there and either go to school or work, and be perfectly happy.  Now I'm not sure.  I'm terrified to start working.  As much as I think I might like it, I'm having doubts now, and I can't picture myself being a competent teacher, especially for high school students.  I feel like I need more time to get ready for that.  (I mean, seriously, can you picture me not freaking out if I got a real job?  Think about it for two seconds...yeah, exactly.  I see lots of crying.)
Everyone I've mentioned this to in passing says I should do what I want, not what other people say, and do what's best for me.  Too bad I have no idea what any of that is.
I don't know what's best, because I see pros and cons to both sides-teaching and working.  And I don't know what I want, because I'm constantly stuck in the middle of being in love with UConn and home.  And it changes on a weekly basis. 

Someone please help.  I'm not capable of helping myself.

It's the final countdown.

It's going to be a busy week.  And though the rest was needed, and a free weekend was nice, I'm bored.  I've said every week that I am looking forward to the weekend, but this one, even more so.  I just want everything to work out.

Bring it, Monday.

Soooo...

Not one of my deeper posts, (not that there are any in here, anyway) but...
Things I want:
To be healthy again, (I have now been sick for exactly 17 days.)
To start running again, as soon as I feel healthy enough.
A week of no rain.
...or at least a week's worth of marching band that doesn't involve marching in the rain.
A successful Symphonic Band concert on Tuesday.
A fun/enjoyable/successful recital on Friday.
To hang out with trumpets more often, (including band office pow-wows.)
To lay on the couch, cuddle, and watch a movie, and not worry about anything else, just for that 1.5-2 hours.
To meet my Godson and his brother.
To see Kristin, Joey, Anne, Neil, Gina, Brett, Soler, and Scanlon.
My grade for my Multicultural Ed paper...seriously, I don't even care what I got, I just want to know!
For the football team to win 6 games so we can go to an awesome (my last) bowl game.
To audition into a pep band with an awesome trumpet line-I just want to spend my last semester with my friends.
A popsicle...maybe that will make my throat feel better (gets up and goes to kitchen)
To be healthy...did I already mention that?


G'night.

Life's tough, get a helmet.

It's so funny how you watch other people, give out advice, and shake your head when they don't take it...but as you as you're in the same position, it's a completely different story.  Being sick is one of these kinds of things.  I've told people in the past that when they're sick, they need to rest and take care of themselves.  I've read articles here and there about how people, in general, refuse to take sick days (for whatever reason) and they don't recover as quickly, and then infect the people around them.  I sit there and wonder why people don't think it's necessary to find out what's wrong, and treat it. 
And then I turn into a walking, talking, coughing, hypocrite :-P
This is a lesson to everybody-take care of yourself.  "We'd never know what's wrong without the pain"-slightly cheesy of me right now, but it's completely true.  Pain is the indicator that something is wrong and needs to be fixed, yet we all choose to ignore it-and here I sit, 3 weeks later, not a whole hell of a lot better than I was when I dragged myself to marching band and a football game with a 102 degree fever.
My best advice to anyone-take the time when something is first wrong to find out how to fix it.  If you do and it's not working, or only helps a little, ask again.  It'll be less time consuming and disrupt fewer things.  Lesson learned, for now.


In other news, I need movie and music suggestions.  Go!

Nobody chooses to be a freak..

"Nobody chooses to be a freak. Most people don't realize they're a freak until it's way too late to change it. No matter how much of a freak you end up being, chances are there's still someone out there for you. Unless of course, they've already moved on. Because when it comes to love, even freaks can't wait forever."
~Grey's Anatomy

Dark clouds may hang on me sometime, but I'll work it out.

I am who I am who I am, who am I
Requesting some enlightenment
Could I have been anyone other than me? 

I've legit tried starting this post about ten times, and every time, I delete what I wrote.
It's been a whirlwind week.  And the next two weeks aren't going to be any less crazy.
Bring it.

Correction.

It was supposed to be the best weekend ever.
Buuuuuut fevers and strep throat put an end to that.
Which is why I am awake at 6:30 am eating popsicles.
And also why I had one of the worst nightmares ever.  It involved my house in East Haven being completely broken into, and pretty much everything being taken.  Including my trumpet and the school C.  (I repeat, this was only a dream!!)  But YOU try having that dream with your recital in 20 days.  Yikes.

I'm not sure how I'm going to sleep more when I've essentially been sleeping since 5 pm yesterday, but I'm going to try.

It's October!

...meaning Christmas music listening party will commence-about an hour ago.  Thank goodness this week is over. 
Recital in 22 days.
The week from hell is over.
This weekend is going to be fantastic.
My Godson, Thomas, and his brother, Gregory, were born last Thursday, and I absolutely cannot wait to meet them.


It is what it is, and that's perfectly fine.  I like what it is. <3