These days.

The weather has such an effect on my mood. I've been feeling particularly awesome the past couple days, but it's a little more difficult when it's rainy and miserable...and the rain isn't going anywhere. Upon further inspection of the weather, it's suppose to precipitate in some form or another until Sunday, when it will be kind of sunny. Maybe. Hopefully...

I've been trying very, very hard to take control of my worrying. Anybody who has met me for 30 seconds knows that I worry a lot. I've been keeping busier than usual, not necessarily with school work, but just always having something planned. I need something to look forward to. It gets harder sometimes, because sometimes the things I look forward to the most are kind of far off, but I'm still learning. I am starting to see that being relaxed and happy doesn't necessarily mean having lots of time to sit around and do nothing. I don't know why it took me all of my high school and college career to discover this, but I guess better late than never.

I'm also learning that doing things that are new or different doesn't mean they are also scary. It just means that it's new and different. And while this may seem obvious, I need to remind myself of it constantly. Part of the reason I'm even bothering to write this all down is so that maybe, if I catch myself falling into another funk, I can reread it and remind myself of the things I've learned.

I haven't felt this good...ever.

I wanna do something that matters
say something different;
something that sets the whole world on it's ear.
I wanna do something better, with the time I've been given,
and I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
and leave nothing less that something that says "I was here."



I can. Not. Stop. listening to Lady Antebellum. I'm glad I found something new to listen to though, it's nice to find something different.

This weekend is going to be such a nice break. School is driving me nuts.

If this isn't rambling, I'm not sure what is.

I think, more than anything in this world, I wish I didn't get as nervous as I do. I get nervous about EV.ER.Y.THINGGGGG. No matter how many times I tell myself that, (whatever "it" is) will be over soon, won't be that bad, or is really nothing to worry about...I find myself shaking anyway. I have no control over it either. Sometimes, it's truly awful. Then, sometimes, things like my recital will happen...I was insanely nervous, and it SHOWED in my playing-but I wasn't shaking, I wasn't crying, and I wasn't freaking out. It holds me back form doing things that I want to do, and it's starting to bother me more.

I'm still happy to be back at school...but I feel so unorganized. I lost my mojo, I want it back :-(

It is 1:42 am and I am not sleeping, why?

It really must be time to go back to school. There's just something about 11 pm...one of two things can happen. I either go COMPLETELY crazy, and giggly and silly and just ready for bed, OR I say...let's get everything that I should have been doing all day accomplished. Tonight is an example of the latter.

It's not news to anybody that I want to be back at UConn. Nothing excluded. Bring on the classes, lessons, practicing, working out, babysitting, working in VDM, going out, having fun, Pep Band, Upper Leadership responsibilities...everything. I'm so excited for the Spring Semester. I always say that it's a time to start everything fresh and new, and this time, I feel like it really is. Not everything is perfect, nor do I think it will be, but I'm making changes for the better. I have no complaints, and I'm still the happiest I've ever been.

1:49 am. Time to go write emails, of course. WHY AM I NOT SLEEPY.

I've got the world on a string.

First entry of the New Year. Back from Alabama after an unforgettable trip. Now, time to count down the days til I can move back into Rosebrooks 420. Do I have a New Year's Resolution? Eh, kind of. I didn't really put a lot of thought into one...I usually don't. I suppose if I had one, it would be to continue the progress I've made as far as my attitude and general happiness with life. Everything is so much better this way.
I also want to start reading more. It's harder when school starts, but I can try anyway. Also, what kind of New Year would it be if I didn't say I was going to hit the gym more? Anybody up for being my gym buddy this semester? Let me know...


Time to organize my life and stretch...because 24 hours on a bus followed by a night of sleep on Will's couch did not do my muscles any favors.

Buon Natale!

One of my favorite Christmas songs...'tis the season to be Italian :-)

Tu scendi dalle stelle,
O Re del Cielo,
e vieni in una grotta,
al freddo al gelo.


O Bambino mio Divino
Io ti vedo qui a tremar,
O Dio Beato
Ahi, quanto ti costò
l'averci amato!


A te, che sei del mondo
il Creatore,
mancano panni e fuoco;
O mio Signore!


Caro eletto Pargoletto,
Quanto questa povertà
più mi innamora!
Giacché ti fece amor
povero ancora!


(From starry skies descending,
Thou comest, glorious King,
A manger low Thy bed,
In winter's icy sting;


O my dearest Child most holy,
Shudd'ring, trembling in the cold!
Great God, Thou lovest me!
What suff'ring Thou didst bear,
That I near Thee might be!


Thou art the world's Creator,
God's own and true Word,
Yet here no robe, no fire
For Thee, Divine Lord.


Dearest, fairest, sweetest Infant,
Dire this state of poverty.
The more I care for Thee,
Since Thou, o Love Divine,
Will'st now so poor to be.)

I love holidays at my house. Dana said today that my house always looks so festive. That's one of the things I miss most when I'm at school. My house is always decorated for the season. I don't think it's ever overkill, and it's definitely not one of those overly decorated houses with more Christmas lights than the front yard has room for, but it's always festive.

I've been putting Christmas music on my iPod, listening to said music, buying decorations, and brainstorming gifts. I just need to bake some cookies.

I guess I sort of forgot that I like home just as much as I like school. Thank gosh I have another year of school so I can split the difference, because I don't know what I'm going to do when I'm done with UConn.