“One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter.”

...so for now, I'll just ramble instead.

+/- Back from Ohio.
-- Pep band, as I have known it for 4 years, is over.
- Tomorrow is horribly busy.
+ Sun and warmth tomorrow. Thank God.
+ By being in Ohio, I missed that monsoon that hit Connecticut...
+ Easter with my family is this weekend.
++ Every Pandora station I make is awesome.


So maybe everything isn't that bad. I need my routine back, I was getting into a rhythm, sort of, before pep band went and messed that up. I am hoping that a night of organizing and hanging out will make me feel better. I am also trying to think of more interesting things to write about...

In my head.

I'm currently obsessed with the following:

Blogger.
It might be kind of obvious, because I've been writing a lot lately, but it's true. Maybe it's because I had nothing really to do over break, but I don't get bored with it. I keep finding new things to add, and the "Next Blog >>" button is addicting. Sometimes you gets weird or creepy people, and I just hit the button again, and every other blog is usually about a family with children. However, there are some really great blogs. Some people have some truly awesome stories.

Cadbury Creme Eggs.
Seriously, Easter needs to be over so that Store 24 will stop having them for sale. At 99 cents each, I hate to say how much money I've probably spent on Cadbury Eggs alone in the past 2 weeks. Really. Slightly embarrassing, but hey, this is me we're talking about, did you expect anything different?

This slightly random play list, in no particular order:
Rob Thomas, Her Diamonds
Rob Thomas, Some Day (This song keeps coming on everywhere I go, in restaurants, the radio, where ever, and if I can't get it out of my head, I might as well just listen to it again...)
Switchfoot, Always
Lady Antebellum, American Honey (It used to be Need You Now, but that song is slightly more depressing, to the point where I get kind of sad listening to it, and since I have no reason to be sad, I replaced listening to that with American Honey.)
On top of these, I have broken out the Dave Matthews Band again, and that obsession will be back in full swing as the weather gets nicer and the concert gets closer...

In a week, I will be traveling somewhere, (most likely to Pittsburgh, PA, woo?) for the women's basketball tournament. I. CAN'T. WAIT. After Tuesday afternoon, my week becomes a breeze. All is well...

This is old school.

+ Got to see Kristin and Anne
+ Catching up on sleep
- Rainy weather has come back :(
+ But the majority of next week is looking like 50+ degrees and more sun!!
+ I'm actually getting some work done. Shock.
++ Tomorrow means only one more week (ish) 'til Blue Band leaves for the Women's Tournament
+ Got my refund check...
- For $8.
+ DMB TICKETS CAME IN! Only two and a half more months, still too early to count down?
- I miss everybody at school
+ My new glasses should be in sometime next week
+ ..Can't...stop...listening...to Rob Thomas.
- I really have nothing more to talk about because there isn't much going on at home...

My heart is bound to beat right out of my chest.

I think I'm better with writing than speaking. I'm not saying that I'm a poor speaker or don't like to talk, that would just be a lie, (especially the latter.) But, when I need to make a point, or want to explain something, I think I would rather write it down. It just makes more sense. I can decide what I want to say, then write it down...and then, I can go back, and change it if I want. I know this isn't the way conversation works, and that's why I stay so quiet sometimes-I don't want to make a fool out of myself. Sometimes, depending on the topic and the company, that's fine, it's fun, and we all get a laugh. However, there are other times when my speaking abilities seem totally inadequate.


Basically, I'm admitting that I have so much I want to say, and I don't know the appropriate way to do it...

When you got a good thing...

I think the concert tonight went well. I'm pretty happy with it, although I there's plenty I wish I could have done better. Nothing to worry about though, we got it done.

This whole good mood thing? I could get very used to it. I can't think of too many times in the past couple months or so that I've been very upset, sad or angry or anything. And then, of course, getting my worrying under control has been a process, but it's definitely better. So, unless you count the hour or so on Tuesdays and Thursday when I first wake up and go to my 8 am class, (when I suddenly become infuriated with anything remotely annoying) I'm continuing to feel awesome.

I wish I had something to pour this positive energy into. I mean, there's school work, and practicing, and the general upkeep of my daily responsibilities, but I'm looking for a bit more. It's kind of confusing, because I'm not 100% sure what I'm looking for...and we all know how I react to trying new things. So this is going to require a little searching and figuring out what I want.

Is this too confusing? Hmm.

These days.

The weather has such an effect on my mood. I've been feeling particularly awesome the past couple days, but it's a little more difficult when it's rainy and miserable...and the rain isn't going anywhere. Upon further inspection of the weather, it's suppose to precipitate in some form or another until Sunday, when it will be kind of sunny. Maybe. Hopefully...

I've been trying very, very hard to take control of my worrying. Anybody who has met me for 30 seconds knows that I worry a lot. I've been keeping busier than usual, not necessarily with school work, but just always having something planned. I need something to look forward to. It gets harder sometimes, because sometimes the things I look forward to the most are kind of far off, but I'm still learning. I am starting to see that being relaxed and happy doesn't necessarily mean having lots of time to sit around and do nothing. I don't know why it took me all of my high school and college career to discover this, but I guess better late than never.

I'm also learning that doing things that are new or different doesn't mean they are also scary. It just means that it's new and different. And while this may seem obvious, I need to remind myself of it constantly. Part of the reason I'm even bothering to write this all down is so that maybe, if I catch myself falling into another funk, I can reread it and remind myself of the things I've learned.

I haven't felt this good...ever.

I wanna do something that matters
say something different;
something that sets the whole world on it's ear.
I wanna do something better, with the time I've been given,
and I wanna try to touch a few hearts in this life
and leave nothing less that something that says "I was here."



I can. Not. Stop. listening to Lady Antebellum. I'm glad I found something new to listen to though, it's nice to find something different.

This weekend is going to be such a nice break. School is driving me nuts.