Moving to Tumblr?

Didn't think I would, but I might.  Look for Day 13 there.

Day 13: Whatever tickles your fancy

Soon, I'll be off to watch the UConn women play FSU in front of a sold-out crowd.  NBD.  However, tonight, day 13's post will be the semester in review that I usually blog about at some point.  

Day 12: Post a self-portrait

Hello out there...<3!

Day 11: Share your favorite recipe

Everybody seems to LOVE this Spinach Artichoke Dip.  Zima gave it to me when I had the trumpet Tostitos party.
Also, the home made pumpkin chocolate chip cookies...I've been told it's like a cross between a cookie and cake, and that it's absolutely delicious. 

Maybe, one day, I'll make them for YOU!

Day 10: A letter to the person you hate most or caused you a lot of pain

Honestly, I can't really pinpoint a person I hate...I don't really hate anybody, but I can say something to anybody who's ever caused me pain:

Dear you, 
Because of you, I'm much happier, much stronger, and learned a whole hell of a lot about what I want out of my life in future.  Though it sucked at the time, in the end, you're the idiot.  Thanks for proving that I don't need people like you to be happy.
-Gill

Day 9: List some of your favorite Tumblrs/Bloggers

This was supposed to be Friday...oops...
Day 10 and an end-of-the-semester rant, coming soon.

Bloggers:
I wish Kristin would update again, I love reading her blog.
I like reading Connor's blog.  He doesn't write about one specific topic, but I like reading about different kinds of stuff.
I read Alysa Auriemma's blog a lot.  Yeah, Auriemma as in Geno's daughter.  The blog started as behind-the-scenes basketball stuff, but she talks about her own day to day adventures too.
Then there's Emily's blog.  (UPDATE, WOULD YOU?!)  She's very passionate about the topic she's chosen for the blog.  It's great to see, and awesome to read.
I also follow the best Tumblrs:
NEMER!!
Karissa <3
The one and only ANNA MILLS.
Sarah!
My football freak out buddy, Thompson. 

Day 8: A photo of you taken recently

I have FOUR MINUTES before day 8 ends.

Don't turn off Party In The U.S.A. on Jeff, Ryan, and I.  We'll be very upset.  This upset, actually.

DAY 7...wait, it's been a week already?

Wait, seriously?

I guess I'm learning that 7 days isn't a really long time. 

ANYWAY. Day 7: A YouTube video I find funny.

With the amount of time people spend on YouTube/the internet in general these days, you've probably seen everything funny...and probably funnier than these.  But, for me, it's a tie between ...

"You know you're only 3 years old, right?"
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dTCm8tdHkfI

and
"I said, I'm going to kick his ask."
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Fk-1mla0LeU

Oh, and My New Haircut.  Just because.

I may not have finals, but there's plenty left to do...

...like, for example, plan about 80% of the bowl trip, (with the rest of UL.)
Bus assignments, I have to remember to do bus assignments...
My last jury EVER is tomorrow.  You would think that after 8 juries, this would get easier.  But it never did for me.  My heart still races, my stomach still feels a little funny, and I usually leave slightly shaky.  Let's make tomorrow's goal be for none of those things to happen.
Babysitting for the evening follows, and one last minute assignment/final/thing is due on Friday.  So what's next?

Oh, you know, just a graduate school application. 
3 letters of reference, the application, (and app fee...boo...) a personal statement...luckily, not due til February 1st.  I'm cutting it a little close though, since I feel like everybody I've heard that applied to grad school did it months ago.  It's half back up plan, half what I want to do next year.  I just don't know what I want.  Strangely, though, I'm providing myself with more options by applying, which means I'll have to make a decision...and we all know how I am with decision-making. 

Stealing Emily's idea...this is what break is going to be, Christmas and Bowl game aside...

1. Starting eating healthier and taking care of myself-student teaching and the 45 minute commute each way is going to take its toll on me.
2. p90x...*gulp*
3...and if I fail at that, at least get back into running, swimming, and working out regularly.
4. Read!! I need to finish Wicked, re-read the Happiness Project, and tackle most of Margaret Atwood's work. 
5. Submit my graduate school application
6. Go to as many basketball games possible :)

I don't have too much in mind yet.  I'm a little overwhelmed just by the thought of a two-year graduate program and what that means.  Plus, as usual, my weight loss/get healthy goal crept back into my life, as it always does this time of year.  Who knows anymore, but I guess I shouldn't stop trying. 

In general?  Life is pretty good.  Christmas will be fun and relaxing, the bowl game and New Years will be absolutely insane.  I've got a great weekend coming up.  Just got to stay positive.

I forgot Day 6 :(

EDIT: So I forgot that I did this day, (actually day 5) at like 1 am, so I didn't forget day 6, I just did 5 and 6 on the same day.  Whatever.  Wednesday 12/15 will be day 7! :)

DAY 6: List of what you ate today  
So here it is-a not so exciting day. 

Bagel for breakfast.
Buckley lunch was awful...so I had macaroni salad and pickles.
Reeses and Hershey Kisses 
Now the good part...dinner at the Hanzlik's for trumpet studio Christmas-baked ziti, Christmas cookies, HOMEMADE PEANUT BRITTLE, (thank you, Louis) 
Wings at Bidwell.
Junior mints.  Surprise surprise.

Day 5-Now that we're alone, all of the world shines.

It's letter day, apparently.  See earlier post with the 50 day challenge list to see the addressee...

Well...I could probably ramble for awhile about this, but since this is Blogger and not real life, I'm not going to be really lame.  Just kind of lame...
I wish I could read you better.  Out of everything I could possibly say to you, that's what I'm choosing to say.  I wish I knew what you were thinking so I could know if you feel the same way I do.  I think you do...but we don't talk about it much, (not that we should.)
Wow, I'm really bad at this...
Whatever it is/was/might be...I like it.  It's fun.  You're a person I like being around, because it's nearly impossible for me not to smile when we hang out.  And somehow, even though you've known me the least amount of time out of everyone, you can read me like a book.
This was a really terrible letter, but, just know-I have a semester of school left, and I want to have fun and enjoy it.  And if you're around for some of that fun and enjoyment...that would be fine with me.
-Gill

DAY 4: A photo of you taken over ten years ago

You've probably seen this one, but I'm not at home where I can find more pictures.  Plus, since it's Christmas time, this is appropriate.  I give you...

 

Maybe to my bio on day one, I should have added: Cowboys fan since age 8 or so.  Asked for an Emmitt Smith jersey for Christmas, never turned back.  

The girl in the plaid pajamas is my sister.  The four boys are my cousins on my mom's side, circa the time when Emily and I were the youngest.  Christmas Eve was still at my house, and we took pictures on the stairs every year.  None of the boys were married.  This was such a long time ago.

Day 3: My favorite movie

If you know me, even a little bit, you've probably heard me talk about this movie at some point.

Most definitely my favorite movie of all time.  I saw it for the first time in high school, and didn't really get it.  My friend told me it would make more sense the more I saw it...so I watched it again.  And again.  And now I'm addicted.

"Please let me keep this memory, just this one..."

 

It kind of messes with your mind the entire time.  If you don't pay attention, you totally miss important elements.  At the same time, even if you watch closely, there is so much going on you pick up something new every time you watch it.  It's a beautiful movie, and makes you really consider your own memories.  One of the quotes floating through Blogger/Tumblr/imgfave/etc, something to the effect of: "Never have any regrets, because at the time, it's what you truly wanted" rings true, especially when Joel starts realizing he doesn't want his entire mind erased.  

Jim Carrey and Kate Winslet are fabulous.  Watching Jim Carrey play a completely different character than he does in most other movies was refreshing. 

"You can get them out of your head.  Getting them out of your heart is another story."

 

The soundtrack is beautiful too.  The movie is sad, romantic, funny, though-provoking...everything.  If you haven't seen it, watch it.  If you have seen it...watch it again, and see what you find.  You might even realize something about yourself.

Day 2!

DAY 2: Make a bulleted list of everything that happened in your day  

• Woke up at 9.ish. More like 9:30.
• Received a text from Link about cookies
• Ate breakfast and watched the office with Liz
• Decided that I'm giving in, and over break, I'm going to start watching the office...meaning I have to catch up on 7 seasons worth, (who wants to have a marathon?)
• Played a Sporcle game with Liz that involved a lot of 80s music...I got about 3 or 4, she got the other 27, (out of 50 total.)
• Warm up with Conor for my lesson.
• Have said lesson...screw up royally on two measure of Kennan.  TWO measures.  We had to rehearse just that several times...buh.
• Marching Band elections...
• Dinner with Anna & Co.
• Start/Finish my paper due at midnight 
• Go to the Falls to see Q AND SOLER!
• ...which snaps me right out of the HORRIBLE mood I was in after band
• Return to my apartment 
• ...where there was a dance party taking place!
• ...that I skipped out on because I started feeling sick again :(
• Bed
  

50 day challenge?

50 DAY CHALLENGE: Stolen from Nemer, who stole it from some one else.  I have myself pretty much convinced that I can't do anything every day-I give up to easily.  But since I'm online so (unhealthily) often, I figured this was a good place to start and stay dedicated to something.  
(I'm making today Day 1, skip the list to see it at the bottom.)



DAY 1: Introduce yourself  
DAY 2: Make a bulleted list of everything that happened in your day  
DAY 3: Your favorite movie  
DAY 4: A photo of you taken over ten years ago  
DAY 5: A letter to your Crush  
DAY 6: List of what you ate today  
DAY 7: A YouTube video you find funny  
Day 8: A photo of you taken recently  
Day 9: List some of your favorite Tumblrs (Bloggers?)
Day 10: A letter to the person you hate most or caused you a lot of pain  
Day 11: Share your favorite recipe  
Day 12: We want to see your teeth today / Post a self-portrait  
Day 13: Whatever tickles your fancy  
Day 14: A song from your childhood  
Day 15: A letter to someone you wish you could meet  
Day 16: Provide pictures of 5 celebrity crushes  
Day 17: A photo that makes you sad  
Day 18: Set or share a goal  
Day 19: Whatever tickles your fancy  
Day 20: A letter to Someone that changed your life  
Day 21: Your favorite television program  
Day 22: A photo that makes you happy  
Day 23 Share one of your current favorite tunes  
Day 24 Time to face morph / http://morph.cs.st-andrews.ac.uk//Transformer/  
Day 25: A letter to someone you judged by their first impression  
Day 26: Favorite books  
Day 27: A talent of yours  
Day 28: Favorite Places to shop   
Day 29: Provide the HEX code of your favorite color /http://www.febooti.com/products/iezoom/online-help/online-color-chart-picker.html  
Day 30: A letter to the friendliest person you knew for only one day  
Day 31: Whatever tickles your fancy  
Day 32: A photo you took  
Day 33: What you’re craving right now  
Day 34: Your favorite quote  
Day 35: A letter to an ex  
Day 36: Some hobbies of yours  
Day 37: A song that you like to dance to  
Day 38: A photo of your parent(s)  
Day 39: Zodiac sign and do you think it fits your personality  
Day 40: A letter to a deceased person you wish you could talk to  
Day 41: Whatever tickles your fancy  
Day 42: Bad habit(s) you have  
Day 43: A picture of your favorite place in the world  
Day 44: Something that fascinates you and why  
Day 45: A letter to yourself a year ago  
Day 46: Photos of personal things in your life (pets, family, house, ect)  
Day 47: Birthday wish list  
Day 48: A photo of you right now  
Day 49: Hopes, dreams and plans for the next 365 days  
Day 50: A letter to your reflection in the mirror

DAY 1-12.9.10-Introduce yourself 

You probably already know all about the loud, Italian, talkative me.  But maybe there's a bit more.

I talk a lot most likely because I'm nervous.  I also HATE silence-more than anything, really.  If people stop talking, I'll bring up anything, just to make some noise.  I actually start getting very uncomfortable in the car if I don't have music on.  When I'm home alone, music is immediately turned on, and I do not walk any amount of distance or work out without my iPod.  

I consider being Catholic an important part of who I am, and I find myself talking about religion more often now, but I also find that I'm very uncomfortable digging really deep into it with anybody.  I think I might be deciding that it's the one thing that I don't really want to talk about with anyone else.  Maybe this is because I've been ridiculed so much in the past for it.

I'm afraid of everything...and that makes me so sad.  And more afraid, really, because I'm worried I will never break out of that fear.

I want everybody to like me, and I want to be friends with everybody.  All I want to do is have fun. 

Give me a pool, a beach, and the ocean, and I'm the happiest girl in the entire world.  I dare you find someone happier than me when I'm swimming in the summer.

I'm doing this to prove I can stay committed to a project that isn't instant gratification.  I'm the type of person that only wants to start a project that I can finish in a day or two.  I'm resisting the urge to post the responses to all 50 of these questions right now, (not literally, because that would be pretty lame) and make myself work on a project that's going to take longer than 24 hours.  Good luck to me.

P.S.  I'm starting p90x soon?  I'm terrified. 

Stream of consciousness...

Might be my favorite literary term.  And here. we. go.

Bowl game bowl game bowl game bowl game!!!  I'm so glad everybody came over tonight, it seriously makes me so happy.  I felt crappy for most of the day, (I think the weather not being able to make up its mind is screwing with my sinuses) but the second everybody got here, I felt completely fine.  (I'm back to feel pretty bad, but I think it's because I know I have to wake up at 6:40 tomorrow morning.)  I need to put more water in the penguin.  Yes, that penguin is a humidifier. 
I still have stuff to put away from going home for Thanksgiving.  Thank gosh I'm stay at school until right before Christmas, staying home for 4 days was almost too much.  That sounds so terrible.  I guess I'm just bored there.  There aren't as many opportunities for...anything...there.  And, crazy as it sounds, I think there is less for me to do in East Haven than there is to do at UConn.  I think that's why I'm so scared to leave school, I'm afraid I'll be stuck in East Haven.  Which is strange, because 4 or even 3 months ago, if you asked me, I would have told you I was high-tailing it out of Storrs forever and settling in East Haven, possibly for a long, long time.  How things change.
I think my current theme song is Jimmy Eat World's Kill. 
I wonder how much work-study money I have left, because I definitely need to earn more.
...I still can't believe we're going to Arizona.  During New Years.
Tomorrow starts Operation Get Hot for Banquet/Arizona.  Don't let me go to Store 24 and buy Junior Mints.  Just tell me no.

I need to go to bed.  NIGHT.

Change your outlook.

I keep telling myself that if I keep track of these thoughts, eventually, I won't have to think so hard about everything, and I can just do.

I just read an article about a woman who had a daughter with leukemia.  While the girl was undergoing chemo and staying in the hospital, the common day to day theme was not "I have to..." but "I get to..."  Things that seems so trivial and average became monumental.  
So many times, I find myself saying that I have to do something, even if it's something that very well may be enjoyable and voluntary.
Tomorrow, I get to go back to my apartment, and start getting it ready for Christmas.  I get to see my friends, and I get to play in pep band at a basketball game.  I get to go to a football game on Saturday and spend the day with the best bunch of people I know.
I get to do so many things!
And so, at times (like right now) when I get stressed, irritable, and anxious, I may need to repeat this to myself a few time.

Also, I should probably spend a few more minutes getting organized, and then get some sleep.  That would probably help the anxiety.   

I'm thankful for...

...a lot of things, big and small.

A big, loud, Italian family.
Friends that care about me.
Teachers that try to make me a better person and future teacher.
The UCMB. <3
The chance to be section leader and band captain.
The best Upper Leadership I could have asked to work with this year.
The BEST trumpet section.  Ever.
That even though I had mono, it didn't knock me out for the whole semester.
For time spent in Sprague or the music building ... until 2 am.  or 3.  or 4...
My Godson, Thomas, and his brother, Gregory. 


Peace, love, and thanks.

More to come...

Because I can't concentrate on actually doing work, but I have tons of blog ideas in my head, I figured I'd leave the list of them here so I don't forget them later on...

• The political debates that will most likely occur during Thanksgiving, especially with my dad's side of the family.
• Christmas!  ...yeah, I know, but it'll be more than just me freaking out about Christmas music.
• Speaking of freaking out...there's probably going to be an entry on that, too.
• The semester in review.
• My undergrad career in review. (BUH)
• UCMB: The Past 5 years in review.
• My new plans for the new year/semester.

Get it doneeeee.

...

What am I so damn afraid of?

Life Lessons from the UCMB

I think I'm going to make this a regular topic.  Because I need an outlet for this stuff...some are serious, some not so much.  But, it does not make them any less true...

The weird yellow bus is actually the one everybody wishes they had...take it for the trumpets!!
Don't eat the band sandwiches.  Just don't do it.
Sometimes, things do turn out fine.  Or, almost fine.
If you are in the trumpet section this year, there are 43 people.  That means there are 42 people that care about you.
Cookies and Junior Mints can, and do, solve life's problems.
...but only if you have a flow chart developed by the one and only Anna Mills telling you to eat aforementioned Junior Mints.
The UCMB knows how to have more fun than anyone else.
And the trumpets know how to have more fun than that.
Kevin was right...not to discount my relatives at all...but I have a family here at UConn. 

Annnnnd it's 5 am.  I've been up for 20 hours.  I'm going to try to go to sleep. <3

Everything is not as bad as it seems.

Everything is not as bad as it seems.
Everything is not as bad as it seems.
Everything is not as bad as it seems.
Everything is not as bad as it seems.

Sleep, a football game, pep band game, an exhibition, and spending all that time with trumpets will fix this.  Hopefully.

In honor of the first snow of the season...

"Ladies and gentlemen, we have flakes. Flakes have been sighted. Flakeage, if you will, has begun."

"The world changes when it snows. It's quiet. Everything softens."


"We go back, snow and me.  We have a beautiful history."


-Loreali Gilmore, Gilmore Girls

Let's talk about this for a second...

4 weeks of class left.
6 weeks until the semester ends.
Not enough time to figure out what's going on next year.
What.  is.  going.  on.

I say it every two seconds, but God, I love the trumpet section.
Trying to learn the lesson that not everything is as bad as I make it out to be.  Let's do this week right.

The Days are long, but the Years are short.

Things go from epically awesome and amazing, to completely falling apart, and then back again...very quickly.  Which should lead me to believe that not everything is as terrible as it seems.  Maybe I should writing in here on a daily basis, so I can start making these connections before the freak outs occur. 
I've been trying to decide on grad school-the current verdict is that I will be going to grad school next year.  If a UConn one-year masters program turns out to be an option, then I will come here almost certainly.  I will probably apply to the University of New Haven as well, just to keep that option open.  After almost crying in seminar class, (although I kept it to myself) I realized I'm just not ready to be a teacher.  No matter what anybody else says or tries to convince me of, I'm the only one that can judge what I'm truly ready for.  The working world is not what I'm ready for.

I feel horrible about not being home for awhile.  I still have not met Anne's twins-my Godson, Thomas, and his brother, Gregory.  It breaks my heart, but between the mono and being busy, it just wasn't right to see them now.  I, (and most definitely Anne) did not want them to get sick.  Soon, I'll be home for a month, and can see Anne and the babies every day :)

Even though Andy would yell at me, because "it's not even Thanksgiving yet," I cannot wait to decorate for Christmas!

My 2nd completely insane week of work (that happens only about three times all semester) is over.  All I need to get through is 4 weeks of class, plus a jury.  I have no finals, besides one online final.  Sometimes I love being a music major.

4 weeks of class left.  Where did the semester go?  I don't understand how September seems like it was a full 365 days long...but it also feels like September was a year ago.  I guess what I read in The Happiness Project is true-the days are long, but the years are short.  I make this realization every once in awhile, and I hope that soon, I realize it and it sticks with me.  I waste so much time worrying, instead of trying to make things better for myself-and maybe even just stop stressing, and just enjoy myself a little bit.

These entries are far from eloquent, but sometimes I just need to blog, stream of consciousness style.  I feel pretty good now...

And so it is.

Everybody has their days.  I feel like I was doing so well for the longest time, starting with last semester-happy all the time.  Genuinely happy.  Appreciating the smallest things.  I felt like I had taken about fifteen steps forward. 

Now I feel like I've taken about thirteen and a half back. 

I have no idea where I'm student teaching.
No idea if I want to immediately apply for jobs when I graduate, or if I would take a job if one was offered to me.
Grad school.  Ugh.
I should really start studying for the Praxis...
I'm still not completely well, and I'm not taking care of myself either.
Ranting and rambling to Anna, Liz, Conor, Walker, Zima, whoever ... is great, and very much appreciated, since I'm sure it can be obnoxious, but I haven't said anything to the one person that needs to hear what I have to say.  And even though in the grand scheme of things, it isn't very important...it still bothers me and needs to be said.

I need to re-read The Happiness Project.

Decisions, decisions,

It comes down to three main options, and then a fourth possibility that I want to stay as far away from as possible:

A. Apply to a graduate program in Neag, and stay at UConn, for one year, possibly two.
B. Apply to University of New Haven, and live at home while interning and taking classes, (one year program.)
C. Apply for jobs and UNH/UConn, and if I get a job, take it.
D. (Not really an option, just what would happen if I didn't apply to grad school and the job market isn't working in my favor...) Live at home, find a temporary job/substitute teach/teach lessons/etc, while looking for a full-time teaching job or applying to grad school the next year.

I'm not sure what I want.  Earlier in the year, not so long ago, I convinced myself that home was the only place to be, and I could be there and either go to school or work, and be perfectly happy.  Now I'm not sure.  I'm terrified to start working.  As much as I think I might like it, I'm having doubts now, and I can't picture myself being a competent teacher, especially for high school students.  I feel like I need more time to get ready for that.  (I mean, seriously, can you picture me not freaking out if I got a real job?  Think about it for two seconds...yeah, exactly.  I see lots of crying.)
Everyone I've mentioned this to in passing says I should do what I want, not what other people say, and do what's best for me.  Too bad I have no idea what any of that is.
I don't know what's best, because I see pros and cons to both sides-teaching and working.  And I don't know what I want, because I'm constantly stuck in the middle of being in love with UConn and home.  And it changes on a weekly basis. 

Someone please help.  I'm not capable of helping myself.

It's the final countdown.

It's going to be a busy week.  And though the rest was needed, and a free weekend was nice, I'm bored.  I've said every week that I am looking forward to the weekend, but this one, even more so.  I just want everything to work out.

Bring it, Monday.

Soooo...

Not one of my deeper posts, (not that there are any in here, anyway) but...
Things I want:
To be healthy again, (I have now been sick for exactly 17 days.)
To start running again, as soon as I feel healthy enough.
A week of no rain.
...or at least a week's worth of marching band that doesn't involve marching in the rain.
A successful Symphonic Band concert on Tuesday.
A fun/enjoyable/successful recital on Friday.
To hang out with trumpets more often, (including band office pow-wows.)
To lay on the couch, cuddle, and watch a movie, and not worry about anything else, just for that 1.5-2 hours.
To meet my Godson and his brother.
To see Kristin, Joey, Anne, Neil, Gina, Brett, Soler, and Scanlon.
My grade for my Multicultural Ed paper...seriously, I don't even care what I got, I just want to know!
For the football team to win 6 games so we can go to an awesome (my last) bowl game.
To audition into a pep band with an awesome trumpet line-I just want to spend my last semester with my friends.
A popsicle...maybe that will make my throat feel better (gets up and goes to kitchen)
To be healthy...did I already mention that?


G'night.

Life's tough, get a helmet.

It's so funny how you watch other people, give out advice, and shake your head when they don't take it...but as you as you're in the same position, it's a completely different story.  Being sick is one of these kinds of things.  I've told people in the past that when they're sick, they need to rest and take care of themselves.  I've read articles here and there about how people, in general, refuse to take sick days (for whatever reason) and they don't recover as quickly, and then infect the people around them.  I sit there and wonder why people don't think it's necessary to find out what's wrong, and treat it. 
And then I turn into a walking, talking, coughing, hypocrite :-P
This is a lesson to everybody-take care of yourself.  "We'd never know what's wrong without the pain"-slightly cheesy of me right now, but it's completely true.  Pain is the indicator that something is wrong and needs to be fixed, yet we all choose to ignore it-and here I sit, 3 weeks later, not a whole hell of a lot better than I was when I dragged myself to marching band and a football game with a 102 degree fever.
My best advice to anyone-take the time when something is first wrong to find out how to fix it.  If you do and it's not working, or only helps a little, ask again.  It'll be less time consuming and disrupt fewer things.  Lesson learned, for now.


In other news, I need movie and music suggestions.  Go!

Nobody chooses to be a freak..

"Nobody chooses to be a freak. Most people don't realize they're a freak until it's way too late to change it. No matter how much of a freak you end up being, chances are there's still someone out there for you. Unless of course, they've already moved on. Because when it comes to love, even freaks can't wait forever."
~Grey's Anatomy

Dark clouds may hang on me sometime, but I'll work it out.

I am who I am who I am, who am I
Requesting some enlightenment
Could I have been anyone other than me? 

I've legit tried starting this post about ten times, and every time, I delete what I wrote.
It's been a whirlwind week.  And the next two weeks aren't going to be any less crazy.
Bring it.

Correction.

It was supposed to be the best weekend ever.
Buuuuuut fevers and strep throat put an end to that.
Which is why I am awake at 6:30 am eating popsicles.
And also why I had one of the worst nightmares ever.  It involved my house in East Haven being completely broken into, and pretty much everything being taken.  Including my trumpet and the school C.  (I repeat, this was only a dream!!)  But YOU try having that dream with your recital in 20 days.  Yikes.

I'm not sure how I'm going to sleep more when I've essentially been sleeping since 5 pm yesterday, but I'm going to try.

It's October!

...meaning Christmas music listening party will commence-about an hour ago.  Thank goodness this week is over. 
Recital in 22 days.
The week from hell is over.
This weekend is going to be fantastic.
My Godson, Thomas, and his brother, Gregory, were born last Thursday, and I absolutely cannot wait to meet them.


It is what it is, and that's perfectly fine.  I like what it is. <3

Swing, baby, swing.

Just a quick note. The Associated Press released a list of the Top 20 Concert Tours.  You'll see where DMB ranks-3rd.  Also, the average ticket price is way lower than the tours in the #1 and 2 spots.  Another reason why DMB is awesome.

The game was fun today, but very exhausting.  I can't wait to spend some time with my trumpet section, and attempt to just relax and enjoy myself without having to think about drill, conflict forms, or anything of the sort.

*Sigh*

You just might find, if you give it time...

I need to go running.

Mentioned in conversation last night that I when I'm upset or need to think about something, I want to go running.
I REALLY want to go running.
Couldn't really do it this morning-I threw myself into homework and straightening up the apartment.  A completely booked afternoon and evening means I'm done around 9:30 tonight...and I'm just impatiently awaiting for that time to come around.
This weekend was great...but not what I needed.  First and foremost, I need to be as productive as possible this week, but I also need to find peace of mind.  Like clockwork, it's halfway through September and I'm finally getting to be comfortable with being at school.  I want to be around to see my friends and spend time with them, but I'm not really sure what I want to be doing with all that time. 

None of this makes any sense.  I am fighting all urges to crawl into my bed and stay there.

I need to go running.

Ready, set, go.

So I did it- I finally ran my first 5K since senior year of high school.  Slowly.  (I actually don't know my official time but it was somewhere in the neighborhood of 38 minutes.)  But I did do it.  And, (maybe surprisingly?) I want to do another one.  I felt really awesome today while running, and I know I need to keep it up.  There is one in Tolland that I'm going to look in to, and if we have a night game that Saturday, I'll have the morning free to run it.  Woo!
I think I also like it because it focuses my energy into something other than music/band.  I need something else in my life to concentrate on.  I think it'll calm me down.

However, other than the race...I've done nothing productive while being home.  I'm just so TIRED.  And still need to refine my time-management skills.  Recital in a month and 3 days.  Yikes.
I think I am just going to make a giant to-do list with every assignment and every due date on it, and see what my priorities are.  On tap for this week, besides practicing and paper writing and completing assignments, I'm going to start figuring out how to cook.  Because I legit have NO IDEA WHAT I'M DOING.  Which is why I eat ziti 5 out of 7 nights a week.  Oops.  I might start having to do the "cook on Sunday for the whole week" kind of deal, because when I get home after school, I don't even have the desire to cook.  I just want to find that track I was on over the summer-eating semi-healthy, or at least not as horrifically as I am right now, run more, practice more, stay on top of everything.  Why is it human nature for that to be so difficult?

In more random news, Pandora radio stations are FAR SUPERIOR to Last.fm radio stations.  Maybe that's what I need.  An afternoon with a Regina Spektor/Ingrid Michaelson/Sara Bareilles radio station, and my homework.  Or an evening to watching Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind.  Soon enough...

No words exchanged, no time to exchange them.

For the first time, I actually don't know how I'm going to get through this semester.  It seems that there are not enough hours in the day to go to class, marching band, work, babysit, practice for a recital, keep my apartment moderately clean, and sleep.  I literally do not know how people who are even busier than me do it.  I want to do it all, and some how still have a social life, but I need some serious time management skills...help.

You never know.

I seriously don't even know where to start.
Maybe I will keep my hopes up for tomorrow. 
I'm going to bed now, at 11:54 (ish) on Wednesday night, and probably won't sleep again until the bus leaves W Lot for Michigan on Friday morning.  I have that much to do.

I wish I could say I don't know what I did wrong, but that's the whole problem...I know exactly what I did.  Or didn't do.

Passing the time.

Quick update.

UCMB Preseason was 10 days of absolute ridiculousness.  Watch some of it here.
Classes technically start tomorrow, but I have none tomorrow.  Tons of errands to be done. 
Being back in the apartment full time is kind of weird.
The band leaves for Michigan in 5 days.
I go home (hopefully) in 7 days.
If this year goes by quickly, I won't really mind.

G'night, Blogger.

This is life.

I promise, promise, promise that when school starts, I will talk about stuff that actually might be remotely interesting, (I've said this before, I know.)  But until school starts, I'm kind of just waiting.  This isn't even a proper entry, just pointless, meaningless, and jumbled up thoughts.

I still need to figure out what day I'm moving back.
Hanging out with Gina before I leave.
Tom Petty & The Heartbreakers with Brett on Tuesday night, meaning I reach a solid 30 concerts on my all time list.
I need to pack.
I need to practice and choose what it is I'm playing for placement auditions, (I already have an idea, but I need to ask Louis and make sure it's a good idea.  Although even if it isn't, I don't know if I can have something else ready in time.)
I really, really want ice cream.  But I know I shouldn't spend the money, or eat more junk food.
My running schedule that I sort of had was completely lost the past couple of weeks.  I ran 3.1 miles on Tuesday with my cousin in 37:38, which was about a minute faster than my last 5K run.
My schedule for school is, as usual, up in the air because A. I don't officially know what ensemble I'm in, B. I don't know when my lesson will be, C. I don't know what hours I'll be working, D. Our classes have a tendency of changing times...This does nothing to help my anxiety when I start school every year.  I think that I may need to go to therapy before I start grad school or a job, because I will be a train wreck.  Similar to the one I am now.

Yesterday, some people were in the band office, talking about how RIDICULOUSLY excited they were for band to start.  Once everybody left, I looked at Jim, started laughing, and tearing up at the same time.  Because I am that scared.  Or terrified.  That might be more fitting.





I remember how happy I was during the middle of the semester, how I told everybody I was afraid it wouldn't last, and they all called me crazy and that I would be fine.  You were wrong.






I will return to normal blog entries about concerts, running, music, etc., eventually.

Sometimes.

Sometimes/usually, I really love my life.  I love my major, I love where I'm going.  I enjoy my day to day, even when it's hectic, and I like my nice apartment.  I like where I am and all the things I've gotten to do.


Today was not one of those days.


I'm driving to the beach tomorrow and part of me wants to just set up camp there and never come back.

So much to do...

...and only 16 days in which to do it.

• Practice like my life depends on it.
• Run. Run. and Run.
• Apply for a new loan.
• Move back to UConn.
• Read more books, because once school starts, I know there's no chance of that happening.
•  Spend every other other free moment in the pool, tanning, or at the beach.

I'm glad I come up with big, important goals for myself.

In the shadows, in the darkness.

I've pretty much been trying to do this anyway, but I'm desperately trying to stop spending money.  Not very easy, seeing as 80-90% of the money I've spent in the past week or so was music related.  I finally bought Carnival of Venice for my recital, and then I needed more trumpet books.  In a random move, I also bought a capo, so that I can continue to learn to play the guitar, and play everything in the correct key.  I'm not making a ton of money this summer, (my own decision) but I will hopefully have two jobs at school this year.  If the stars align, (a.k.a. the rumors are true, I have the money and the days off from band) I want to see DMB again.  There is talk of a fall tour, and if they are in NYC or Boston, I see no reason why I shouldn't go up and see them.  It won't be the end of the world if I don't go, but it sure would be nice...

I'm going to see if I can get into a rhythm this week.  The 3.1 miles I ran on Friday were rough, but I've now had two days off, and I need to get back at it.  A weekend full of family and parties was wonderful, but damn, does it throw me off track.  I also need to get back to practicing more regularly, and organizing myself to get ready to go back to UConn.  There's 25ish days left until I need to leave, and I'm kind of feeling weird about it.  I really miss some people, a lot...but I'm perfectly content being home.  My mom keeps telling me that the year goes so fast, why haven't I learned that yet...well, I don't know why, but you would think this transition would get easier after 4 years.  So much for that.  I make things much more complicated than need be.

Things I'm a little freaked about: student teaching,  preparing for Praxis II, deciding if I want to do grad school now or look for a job first, marching band in general, living in the apartment full time...why is it so difficult for me to get used to this stuff?

If I had it all...

...what would I sing for?

The most random bit of stuff in my brain, the abridged addition:

• I'm really excited to see my entire family tomorrow.
• It might be slow, but I cannot believe I ran 5K in under 39 minutes.  I thought I was even more out of shape than that.
• Thanks to my iTunes shuffle, I now wish it was Christmas, so I could listen to the Charlie Brown Christmas soundtrack, guilt-free.  (Btw...not winter.  Just Christmas.  Oh well.)
• I do not want to go back to school.  Ugh. 
• I'm looking into applying to UNH and the University of Bridgeport for grad school.

Actually, I'm actually going to (try) to keep my mouth shut, considering the rest of what I'm thinking will probably get me in a lot of trouble.

ummmmm...

I'm seriously frustrated and scared and don't know what to do.

Home is where my heart is.

Things I like about being home/summer:

• Babysitting.
• Having/making money.
• Swimming/the pool.
• The beach.
• The Staven crowd.  I missed them all very much.
• Seeing my extended family more than once every 4 months.
• Concerts.  (Obviously.)
• The ability to "run" to the store for a quick stop.  No longer do I need to plan a 2 hour expedition to Wal-mart with a long list, because if I forget something, I'm not driving back to Willimantic for awhile.

Things I miss about living at UConn, (mostly during the semester):

• Having the ability to go out, stay out, and come back whenever I choose.  However, living at home, I pretty much go out and stay until whenever I want, but staying over usually ends up in some sort of discussion with my mother that I would like to avoid.

All in all, I definitely love being home right now.  I'm sure that come September, when my friends all are back and classes are in session, I'll go back to loving UConn, but I'm foreseeing that this fall might be a bit like the last.  I remember hoping into my car right after my last rehearsal that Friday, driving home, and staying until pretty late Sunday.  I did not want to be there.  Do I go through phases, or what?

Concert List

"You know the kind of song that'll get you high
When the moon's so big 
it looks close enough to touch the sky
When the sun don't reign and the moon won't shine
I got a little thing that'll get you by, just a little while
When you turn it on it's gonna blow your mind
Head over heels you go, look at you, look at you, fly"

-Dave Matthews Band

I'm going to try to remember openers and dates of these, and the order I saw them, but it's probably not going to happen.  Skip to the bottom for a general overview.

1. John Mayer, Oakdale Theater.  The first concert I ever went to, my freshman year of high school.  Maroon 5 opened for him, and I don't even remember that part.  My mom dragged us out before the encore so we wouldn't get stuck in traffic, and I think that might be why I hate leaving before the encore.
2. O.A.R., Oakdale.  I believe this was the summer after sophomore year of high school.  I think.  I went with my aunts and my uncle, it was hysterical.
3. Backstreet Boys, Oakdale.  Summer 2005.  My mother, Gina, Anne, and I.  Nosebleed seats.  We danced the entire time. 
4. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Meadows.  Summer 2006.  Didn't actually listen to Tom Petty prior to going to this concert, and now I love him.  Tom Petty is a show that you can go to and have a great time listening to the music, even if you don't know it word for word. 
5. Toby Keith, Meadows.  Summer 2006. I don't hang out with this crew of people anymore, however, it still is in my memory of one of the most fun night I have ever had.
6. Gym Class Heroes, Webster Theater.  Fall Semester, 2006. Ricky and Brett got lost trying to get to UConn.  Along with Liz and Cody, we went into Hartford to see the concert.  Cobra Starship was one of the openers.  Right after we bought tickets for this show, Liz and I see a sign outside of Jorgensen for...
7. Gym Class Heroes, opening for Matisyahu, Jorgensen, (UConn).  Fall Semester, 2006.  We were pretty much only there for GCH.  We left about 2 songs into Matisyahu's set. 
8. Dropkick Murphys, Jorgensen. Spring Semester 2007.  I went with Liz and Andrew just to check it out.
9. Straylight Run, Reel Big Fish, and Dashboard Confessional, Gampel Pavillion.  Spring Semester, 2007.  Spring Weekend concert.  Why SUBOG thought an acoustic set from Dashboard was a good idea, I'll never know.
10. Fiona Apple, Mohegan Sun.  She was ridiculous.  Anne and I knew she must have be strung out on something, but she was still amazing.  Damien Rice was her opener.
11. Hellogoodbye, Webster Theater.  Spring Semester 2007.  Liz, Andrew, and I saw lots of 7 year olds with light-up sneakers.  Wtf.  A really fun show.  Boys Like Girls was the opener, but this was pre-popularity.  I remember Liz and I hating on them because they just kept swearing and acting really badass, then would sing these whiney pop-punk songs, hopping around in their skinny jeans.  Now I listen to "Two Is Better Than One" as I write this.  Oh well.
12. & 13. Dave Matthews Band, Meadows, N1 & 2 Summer 2007 was the first DMB concert.  I wasn't supposed to go to both nights, and ended up getting a lawn ticket the night before.
14. Incubus, Jones Beach.  The thing about Brandon Boyd...he literally didn't make a mistake the entire night.  It's kind of weird, like listening to their CD, since I am a fan of jam bands like DMB and Bela Fleck and the Flecktones, but still awesome.  I remember how badly we wanted them to play Stellar, (they didn't) but they did play Aqueous Transmission, which we did not expect in the least.
15. O.A.R., Meadows.  Summer 2007.  Locked out of my car in Northford.  Having to move my car so I don't get towed in Hartford.  Traffic on the way home and blasting DMB all the way home, to the point where Dana and KP wanted to die, (pre-KP liking DMB.)  However, there were so few people there, they let lawn ticket holders sit in the last section of seats, so that was pretty cool.
16. DMB, Meadows, N2. Summer 2008.  We're not talking about it.  Show was good though.
17. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, Meadows.  Summer 2008.  Went with Brett again.  Was disappointed, because after the 2006 show, Brett said he heard they were done touring.  A lie, because we obviously saw them again, and they're touring again in 2010.
18. Reel Big Fish, Toad's Place.  January 2009.  Junior year, with Nate, Liz, and Andrew.  Liz and I stood in the corner to prevent us from being trampled. 
19. The Toasters, some random place in Danbury that I will never go again.  I went with Nate as a gift to him for Valentine's Day.  He's a ska fanatic.  They were fine, it just wasn't my scene. 
20. & 21. DMB, Meadows, N1 & 2.  Summer 2009, 21st birthday weekend.  A great time, spent the weekend with Anne, Gina, Brett, Soler, and Matt Q at the shows.
22. Rascal Flatts, Meadows.  Summer 2009.  Now listen.  I like Rascal Flatts.  A lot actually, and I am a big fan of country.  However, since I had to bring my sister and her two friends to this show, and it rained, and I got stuck in traffic for about 45 minutes while less than a mile away from the Jennings Road exit...I was not a happy camper.
23. DMB, Virginia Beach Ampitheater.  Summer 2009.  I plan vacations around DMB concerts.  Great venue, and I don't think I need to talk about the concert, I think it's implied.
24. & 25. DMB N1 & 2, Meadows.  Summer 2010.  DMB's tour openers, which this was, are usually kind of lame.  They threw Matt and I for a loop, however, when this weekend, they played/liberated JTR, KIT KAT JAM (!!!!), Hello Again, So Right (!), and Busted Stuff.  Awesome.
26. DMB, N2, Comcast Theater, Mansfield, MA.  Mark and I decided one weekend of Dave is just not enough.  We sat halfway down the pavilion, dead center.  Amazing.  The seat was very similar to Hartford, however, we got Cry Freedom and Idea of You.  I was happy.  Very happy.
27. Victor Wooten, Toad's Place.  Summer 2010.  Brett was on the guest list thanks to his job, and we got in for free.  This guy is amazing.  His band was great, his brother was on guitar and is also ridiculous.  I've seen the Flecktones all separately...Bela Fleck at school, Jeff Coffin with DMB, then Wooten here.  It was a fun night.
[Dana and I will also be going to see my 28th show,  Lady Antebellum open for Tim McGraw on July 16th.]
 28. Tim McGraw and Lady Antebellum, Meadows.  Summer 2010.  Lady A is an excellent group of singers.  Very predictable set, but they only have one CD, I think, so what do you expect?  Tim McGraw was good, very good, much better than he was on the CMT awards in June-he was unbearable to watch on TV that night, so I was a little nervous.  His show had a huge dip in the middle, lots of slower songs and ballads, but overall, decent show.
[And, I've discussed how I purchased the ticket for what will be #29- DMB @ Citi Field, N2.  July 17th, 2010.  Epic, it will be.]
29. DMB N2 @ Citi Field, with opener Zac Brown Band.  Summer 2010. There's something about country singers...even though I love country, so many of them CANNOT SING LIVE.  So, again, I was a little nervous about ZBB...turns out, he's awesome.  A lot of fun.  DMB was on fire, as usual.  We left early to beat the traffic, but everything he played after I left, I heard this summer,  so I didn't feel too bad about missing it.  The lawn GA was kinda brutal, but I would like to try the small pits in the ampitheaters in 2012.  They opened with The Stone, (which I called, I'm getting kinda good at that...) followed by Warehouse, then One Sweet World-all of which I had not heard this tour.  He played Seek Up for the first time this summer.  I was also happy when he played Crash, which I've heard this summer, but it's becoming a really big favorite.
30. Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers, with opener Crosby Stills & Nash, Meadows.  Summer 2010.  Awesome as usual, and didn't really play a lot off of Mojo, his newest album.  The stuff he did play was great though.
31. Big D and the Kids Table, with opener Tip The Van, The Webster.  Fall 2010.  I've seen both of these bands before, actually, but didn't include them in my count.  Went with some trumpets and had a great night.  Even though I kept getting lost in Hartford.  Totally worth it.
32. Dave Matthews Band, TD Garden, Boston, MA.  Fall 2010, with Tommy Weeks and Zima.  Amazing.  My first Last Stop ever :)
33. Goo Goo Dolls, Sara Barielles, Kris Allen, + more.


Current numbers as of 10/2/2010:
32 shows.  28. bands/artists, (not counting Matisyahu, since I only stayed for a couple of songs.)   13 venues. 11 DMB shows.  I don't think I'm forgetting anything, but I might be...

This is nothing for some people, I'm sure.  But I have had some of the absolute best times of my life at these shows.  This doesn't even count the shows I've been to for my friend's local bands, that I have been going to see since sophomore or junior year of high school-the Puppet House, The Space, Toad's Place, the Webster.  Something about live music is just addicting.  There is absolutely nothing like hearing your favorite song being played right there in front of you, and watching amazing musicians in person.  Or watching Dave Matthews do that funny dance that he does.  But I digress. 

By my very, VERY rough estimates, I've spent less than $1,000 going to these shows, not counting gas and tailgating and whatnot.  To me, it's worth every penny, and I would pay more than most, I think, to see a show I really wanted to see.

I will update this as I go to more shows.  Hopefully by the end of the summer, I'll have hit 30(+).  I have so much more to see, and hear.

So, how many shows have you been to?

Stay American, Baby!

Happy 4th of July!  This weekend was kind of tame, (...sorta) at least at 4th of July celebrations go.  No big family party this year, just my aunt, uncle, grandma, and couple cousins.  (Maybe that's big for some people, but that's nothing for this house.)  I once again ate too much food, but I redeemed myself by going for a run.  I had this desire to go running today, and since the next few days are going to be ridiculously humid, or so I hear, I figured I'd go now when it's just warm.  The next few days will be good for 30 Day Shred, or just a walk. 

Also today, I started listening to Incubus and some of the older Jason Mraz stuff again.  Like, high school era music.  Make Yourself is a fantastic CD to run to, in my opinion.  In other music news, I finally bought my ticket for DMB at Citi Field-that'll be show #10, and yes, finally, the last show for me for the summer.  I still can't believe they aren't touring next year.  Honestly, it's like this-some people smoke, some people drink, some people like to buy really expensive clothes, some people put tons of time and money into their cars...I buy DMB tickets.  Or just concert tickets in general.  I think I'm going to make a list of all the concerts I've seen.  That'll probably happen sooner rather than later, since this is turning out to be a lame-o 4th of July evening.







P.S. KP comes home in 2 days.  Omg.

How to...

How to get (and stay) motivated.  I think I need to read this every day.

Beeeeeeach

Days 7 and 8.  Ugh.  8 days.  I was doing so well in the beginning.  Misquamicut today was beautiful.  Tomorrow is my first day with nothing to do in awhile, so it will be filled with exciting activities like running errands and going to the bank.  If I can muster up the energy, I will go for a run later.  Maybe a walk.  Maybe running is why I don't want to work out...it takes me so long to get into it; going for a run doesn't pump me up or make me really happy and euphoric.  It's just annoying.  I need to find exercise I enjoy doing...

In other news, this has been the best summer ever.  I can't wait til KP comes home in 5 days :)

Today shouldn't even count.

Day 6 was basically the ultimate fail.  However, Anne made delicious macaroni with veggies that I need the recipe for.  Because I also need to learn how to cook.  I hear it's the way to a man's heart.

I camped for a night, went to the beach, came home, saw Anne...and after babysitting tomorrow, I finally get to go to Misquamicut.  Is this that "social life" thing I hear people talking about?  Because I like it.

Day 4, and today makes 5.

Well, 2 more parties plus going to the fireworks did not work out well as far as diet and exercise go.  Today is babysitting followed by camping, and of course, I forgot my sneakers so I can't go running at the campground tomorrow.  I'll try to swim in the ocean a bit tomorrow, since I plan on spending the entire afternoon at the beach, (I'm not babysitting tomorrow.)  Hopefully Wednesday, I can get back on track.  My family keeps telling me I look great, but I haven't lost any weight at all.  I'm not trying hard enough, I know. 

I'm so scared to camp tonight, seeing as we're supposed to get some storms, but hopefully we can survive. 

Day 3

Short & sweet because my busy weekend continues...

I pretty much ate what I wanted to at the parties last night, but I don't think I went overboard.  I need to start paying closer attention, because in general I've been eating a lot less than usual, so what used to be "normal" for me now makes me feel kind of sick, because it's just too much.

Before I left, I swam in the pool for about half an hour.  Not of Olympic proportions...but just something to keep moving.  Since it was so nice out, with the radio on and just swimming, time went by faster than I thought it would. 

Today is two more parties-my cousin's son's Christening, then another grad party, and possibly fireworks tonight if the rain holds off.  Part of me want to just count walking to the beach for fireworks as my workout...

Dayyyyy 2...and an Epic Cake.

Today's exercising plan was a fail...but today, in general, was not.

If we're talking about the whole diet/exercise thing, I did not get around to it today, because I went to East Longmeadow, MA, to visit Jimbo!  I didn't eat much today...low fat waffles for breakfast, chicken for lunch, and pizza for dinner, but I think I stayed within my calorie limit, even if I over estimate the amount of pizza I ate...which was a lot.

The reason I ate so much...I was thoroughly exhausted and starving from an 8 hour cake making marathon.  Jim is really into the whole Cake Boss style of cake making, and it's amazing, to say the least.  I tried to document the process, maybe not as well as I could have, but here's the pictures I did take...

Since it's my Dad's 50th birthday, and Emily's 18th birthday party extravaganza tomorrow, Jim decided we should make a cake for them.  After some hemming and hawing, we decided a Mets cake with a baseball field was a good idea.  We googled the logo, Citi Field, and recipes for cake batter, fondant, and frosting.  Yes.  All home made.  Ridiculous.




There are 3 cakes total...a sheet cake for the base, and two round cakes for the Mets logo.  After we baked and iced the cakes, we put fondant over them, and constructed a baseball diamond for the base cake.  That was the easy part...

The Mets logo was pretty ridic.  Jim was pretty much all in charge of that one, him being the more creative/patient/skilled/artistic one out of the two of us.  Everything here is fondant as well, and Jim painted the skyline with blue food coloring to get the darker shades, and the shadows.

We added the Citi Field sign to the front of the cake, along with the tall arched windows.  I actually was able to help with that part, because I figured I couldn't screw it up too badly....

8 hours later, at about 9 pm, we finally finished the cake.  My parents and sister love it, and my mom wants to have Jim make my sister's graduation cake.  It is seriously once of the coolest things I have ever seen.  Now that I know how to make all of the icing and fondant, and have a pretty good home made cake recipe, maybe I'll try it myself sometime...

Tomorrow, I need to work out.  Brett's grad party, plus the birthday party, then back to Brett's.  So excited :)

Day 1.

Last night and today was Day 1 of my new attempt at eating healthier and working out.  This is a process that I've started again and again, but lately, I've been doing a bit better. 

It does not help in the least that I am incredibly lazy.  I always have been.  Since I was little, as in like, able to speak, I've complained about walking, and I've enjoyed taking naps.  I'm just trying to walk a little more, and nap a little less.

Last night I went running, legit running, for the first time in ages.  I've been doing the treadmill, elliptical, and track since getting out of school, but it's not the same as running on pavement, outside, even just around my neighborhood.  I survived, and avoided the skunks.

Today was a lazy day for me.  Even worse than usual...it's the first day that I've had nothing to do since being home, (it's been a week, and I've either babysat or gone out every single day.  It's been wonderful.)  However, I did start to plan out my little health kick.  I started by creating a SparkPeople account, thanks to KP's suggestion.  I like it mostly because I just write what I eat, and the calories either pop up, (for stuff like fruit and veggies) or I type it in, (for brand-specific stuff that they don't have automatically) and it adds it up for me, and tells me how many calories I have left for the day.  Yes, I could do this myself, but I hate math.  Even addition.  So this is nice.  I kept thinking I was going to run again today, but the heat was just too much.  I did 30 Day Shred in the A/C, which was a much better idea.

The true test is going to be this weekend.  3 parties, and that means a lot of food.  I'm going to compensate by working out in the morning before the parties start, and eat what I want, just in smaller portions.  We'll see if this works.

I'm contemplating buying a gym membership, but I really don't want to waste the $100 if I'm okay with Jillian Michaels DVD, On Demand workouts, and running around the neighborhood.  All I want to do right now is eat, because I'm so used to snacking when I'm bored, but I'm not really hungry.  I just need to teach myself that. 


My goals right now are these:
In one month, (July 24th) I would like to be down 10 pounds.  I haven't weighed myself yet...I'll save that for tomorrow morning.  (Although I hate the new scale my mom bought, it's not digital, the numbers go up in 20s, and the lines in between are so small, I can't really see what I am.)  I'm not putting a major goal up yet because once school starts, I'm going to have to really plan out my work outs, I won't be able to just up and go whenever I want, like I can now.
I should be working out at least 4 times a week.  AT LEAST.  I could probably do 6 days a week, and rest on a day that I'm really busy or tired, but we're starting small here.  I've already done Wednesday and Thursday, so I'll be fine for now.
Track my calories and stay in my limit.  Pretty easy.

I'm feeling pretty good right now.  I hope this keeps up.

This is nothing new.

If I've said it once, I've said it a THOUSAND times.  But tomorrow starts a healthier diet, and back to working out.  I've read in about a million places that you should write this stuff down...so I'm gonna blog about it.  Lucky YOU!! :)

You got me feeling like a kid.

I realized how long it's been since I went on a rant/tangent about my life.  Ya know, old school style.  It's been so long.  So what's going on?

I've been home since Thursday night, and I've already had a fantastic half a week.  Keys to the City with Dana was definitely fun...and my wallet can handle it.  I'm thinking of going every Thursday that I can.  Friday, Emily graduated, and it was a Staven reunion and a half.  After waiting in traffic since 5:20 pm, I got to the high school at 6 pm.  (I live legit 4 minutes from EHHS.)  We went to dinner with both of my grandmas, and I'm pretty sure everybody in the restaurant was probably glad we left, since we were teasing and arguing with each other the entire time.  I then proceeded to go to Ricky's house, where I saw Paul and Vinny for the first time in four years...
Anne's baby shower was adorable, and seeing the boys later on that night was fantastic.  I saw Ricky AGAIN last night, (can you say old school?) and I'm seeing Gina tonight.  I love being home.  I forgot what having a social life was like...being at Norwegian Wood and sitting in my apartment at 10 pm by myself isn't really a blast. 
Hourigan liked to point out that when I'm in East Haven, I complain that I'm not in Storrs, and when I'm there, I complain about not being home.  I think I'm finally figuring out that I can love both places, and can love being there when it's time to be there...if that makes any sense whatsoever.  Now, it's time to be home, and I definitely love being here.
It's now time for the portion of the rant that's kind of ambiguous.  I told you this was going to be old school.  And the baby is napping, so I need something to do. 
(Side note, I say baby, but Grace is 4 years old now.  FOUR.  WTF.  I've watched her every summer since she was four MONTHS.  Ridic.)
This is the first summer in two years that I have been single.  It's a little weird.  I mean...not really, seeing as I've spent every other summer of my life single.  It's just different.  My way of thinking is different, my plans are different, it's much easier to go and do whatever I want without having to check with another person to see if they want to do it too.  It's pretty fab.
The only thing is...it's so strange.  Half of me really likes this, and the other half wishes I had somebody.  Specifically...honestly, nobody specifically.  Mostly because I'm dumb.  My favorite movie, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind, puts it perfectly..."Why do I fall in love with every (man) I see who shows me the least bit of attention?"  I don't know if anybody truly knows what an attention whore I am.  Maybe you all do.  Maybe I don't try to hide it, or do a terrible job trying to hide it.  But now it's out in the open anyway.  I think my main goal this summer is to just go out and have the most fun I can in the next two months.  Two months to be away from UConn and all of it's drama, (seriously, you think there's East Haven drama?  It can be child's play compared to a month of UConn B.S.) and just completely enjoy myself.  I think I'm doing pretty well now.  Let's just keep it going.

My goals for the next few weeks are simple:  work out, play trumpet, go to the beach, (does that count as a goal?) pay my bills for June, (if I can ever figure out how much I owe CL&P, I thought online bill paying was supposed to make things easier) and then promptly buy a ticket to see DMB at Citi Field.  Omgcan'twait.

I have the best job in the whole world :)

Hello, how are you doing today? I hope I find you feeling healthy.

Pretty much everything I need for the summer is packed and ready to go.  One more day in the office and then I'm donezo.  I could not be happier.

I want to be home, because being home means:
-Having a routine again
-Babysitting
-Beach
-Making money
-Anne, Gina, Joey, Neil, Brett, Ricky, and soon (!!), KP.
-Pool
-Perhaps regaining some sanity by not being in the music building every day.  I know you are probably thinking..."she had sanity to begin with?" but I've found that being home, I am much more relaxed.  UConn makes me stressed by being in close proximity.

I'm getting my mojo back.

Sunshine on my shoulder, makes me happy.

So it's been a month and a half since I've written anything.  Cool.

+ Saw Hourigan, Link x2, Jimbo, Will, and Cori this weekend...along with half of the UCMB.
-/+ Went out to eat like, legit 4 times. No bueno for that whole healthy eating/not spending money thing...but delicious.
+ The sun finally decided to come out today.  My tan was suffering.
+ Last few days of work in the band office.  It was fine, and I love my apartment, but I hate being away from my pool, the beach, civilization in general... (I'm completely spoiled by my suburban life style.)
+ DMB in Massachusetts.  In the pavilion.  495734x better than the lawn.
++ Had a two hour lesson last week that I did not completely fail at.  For the most part, I kind of owned it.  (We're not going to talk about the Kennan.)  Carnival of Venice, one night only on October 22nd...
- KP is still in Oregon...but I made her a mixed CD to send her!! :)

All in all, summer is okay.  If the weather would actually be warm, that would be great.  90 degree days in April, during classes, do me no good...kinda like these 65 degree rainy days in June.  What gives?

Potentially, this summer means one more night of DMB, the beach, actually making money, getting in shape, playing trumpet a lot, casino trips...let's make it happen.

"Remember, we used to dance, and everyone wanted to be you and me- I want to be too."

That's not from Grey Street...but today is the kind of day where I will listen to Grey Street on repeat, (in headphones as to not bother my roommates/whoever else is around.)  Why is it so difficult to be happy all the time?

So...

This isn't what everybody wants to hear, but I'm asking for a little time to just be miserable, pessimistic, and generally kind of out of it, while listening to "Need You Now" on repeat.  I know nobody wants to be around someone like that, so I'm not going to act that way during my normal day to day activities, but just know that's how I feel on the inside.  And if anybody knows a way to snap out of this funk and back into reality, just let me know.

And thank you to anybody that has been putting up with me lately.  I go from hyper and loud and generally in a good mood to half crying in about 30 seconds.  I'm lucky that God put you in my life.

Well, now what?

After wanting the book since before it came out, I finally bought the book, The Happiness Project.  A lot of stuff in the book is stuff that makes sense, and is stuff I can apply to my life.

Then I found this.
Here's the quote:

"...both men and women find relationships with women to be more intimate and enjoyable than those with men.  Women have more empathy for other people than men do.  In fact, for both men and women-and this struck me as highly significant-the most reliable predictor of not being lonely is the amount of contact with women.  Time spent with men doesn't make a difference."


Uh.  What?

So I should spend more time with girls...?

I'm not really sure what this means.  Jim pointed out that that is a very black and white statement.  As I've said a lot recently, I see things in shades of grey.  Many, many shades of grey.  Life is too complicated and involves just...too much.  Things aren't black or white or nothing at all.  If they were, I feel like we wouldn't have as many problems, or problems we do have would be easier to fix. 

Between the end of the school year, finding/leasing/moving into this apartment, summer coming, (which always throws me for a loop, because I need to readjust all over again) and dealing with everything in the past week...I'm losing it.

I love Stumble

For me it happens all the time.

Something about apartment viewing yesterday just freaked me out. I wish it was like living at school...here, take this very large boatload of money, and in exchange, give me a place to live. K. Thanks. I don't understand how any of this stuff works, or how much it all costs, and it's making me crazy. I'm just overestimating everything in hopes that I don't have to worry about not having enough money to pay for something once bills come in.

Am I spoiled because I never had to worry about my own bills before? Maybe. Am I a baby because I wish I could live on campus next year? Maybe. Do I care? Nope.

I was just starting to accept the fact that things aren't always easy, and that it's okay. That it's just normal, it's a normal part of being 21 and in school, and that just because things are easy, doesn't mean I am happy. I feel like I took steps forward, and now I'm back where I started. It's so frustrating.

Let It All Out

So, there's what I want to happen, what I'm 99% sure will happen, and a 1% chance that neither of those things happen at all. Confused? Me too.

I don't know.

“One of the hardest things in life is having words in your heart that you can't utter.”

...so for now, I'll just ramble instead.

+/- Back from Ohio.
-- Pep band, as I have known it for 4 years, is over.
- Tomorrow is horribly busy.
+ Sun and warmth tomorrow. Thank God.
+ By being in Ohio, I missed that monsoon that hit Connecticut...
+ Easter with my family is this weekend.
++ Every Pandora station I make is awesome.


So maybe everything isn't that bad. I need my routine back, I was getting into a rhythm, sort of, before pep band went and messed that up. I am hoping that a night of organizing and hanging out will make me feel better. I am also trying to think of more interesting things to write about...

In my head.

I'm currently obsessed with the following:

Blogger.
It might be kind of obvious, because I've been writing a lot lately, but it's true. Maybe it's because I had nothing really to do over break, but I don't get bored with it. I keep finding new things to add, and the "Next Blog >>" button is addicting. Sometimes you gets weird or creepy people, and I just hit the button again, and every other blog is usually about a family with children. However, there are some really great blogs. Some people have some truly awesome stories.

Cadbury Creme Eggs.
Seriously, Easter needs to be over so that Store 24 will stop having them for sale. At 99 cents each, I hate to say how much money I've probably spent on Cadbury Eggs alone in the past 2 weeks. Really. Slightly embarrassing, but hey, this is me we're talking about, did you expect anything different?

This slightly random play list, in no particular order:
Rob Thomas, Her Diamonds
Rob Thomas, Some Day (This song keeps coming on everywhere I go, in restaurants, the radio, where ever, and if I can't get it out of my head, I might as well just listen to it again...)
Switchfoot, Always
Lady Antebellum, American Honey (It used to be Need You Now, but that song is slightly more depressing, to the point where I get kind of sad listening to it, and since I have no reason to be sad, I replaced listening to that with American Honey.)
On top of these, I have broken out the Dave Matthews Band again, and that obsession will be back in full swing as the weather gets nicer and the concert gets closer...

In a week, I will be traveling somewhere, (most likely to Pittsburgh, PA, woo?) for the women's basketball tournament. I. CAN'T. WAIT. After Tuesday afternoon, my week becomes a breeze. All is well...

This is old school.

+ Got to see Kristin and Anne
+ Catching up on sleep
- Rainy weather has come back :(
+ But the majority of next week is looking like 50+ degrees and more sun!!
+ I'm actually getting some work done. Shock.
++ Tomorrow means only one more week (ish) 'til Blue Band leaves for the Women's Tournament
+ Got my refund check...
- For $8.
+ DMB TICKETS CAME IN! Only two and a half more months, still too early to count down?
- I miss everybody at school
+ My new glasses should be in sometime next week
+ ..Can't...stop...listening...to Rob Thomas.
- I really have nothing more to talk about because there isn't much going on at home...